Me Vs. Inevitability
I posted today on Facebook about my upcoming surgery for Crohn's, and I experienced something that I get a lot when people hear about the more severe elements of my Crohn's: people calling me inspiring, saying that they don't know how I do it, praising me for keeping so positive.
I honestly don't know how to respond to that.
One of the weirder and less admirable traits of my personality is that I sometimes get deeply resentful about super basic things that I can't change. Like the fact that I have to have a job to get through life, even though literally everyone does. Like the fact that I keep having to do chores over and over again, and they don't just stay done. I have joked to my therapist that I hate entropy.
But, for some reason, I don't get resentful over having Crohn's disease. Which is really weird, because it's one of the only things in my life that has negative effects on me that I couldn't have expected.
I just don't really know how else to do it. Taking my meds, altering my eating habits, giving up alcohol, going to the doctor, having tests and scans done, getting surgery - of course I do it all. There aren't any other options that wouldn't just make my life harder. And, as far as having a positive attitude - I mean, I guess I do. But it's not like I'm putting on a happy face. At a certain point, I have to find the silver lining for myself.
Maybe that's how everyone I admire does it - maybe they all just do what they have to do and try their best to keep a smile on their faces.