Let's See How This Goes...

When I do these things, I'm not smiling or beaming with joy.

I'm not happy.

In truth, when I do these things, I'm often suffering.

But I do them because I find them meaningful. 

I find them compelling.

I do these things because I want to be tormented and challenged and interested. 

I want to build things, and then break them. 

I want to be busy and beautiful and brimming with ten-thousand moving parts.

-The Oatmeal, How to be perfectly unhappy.

This all sounds so good to me.

I don't know if I can ever be "happy", but I know that I can build a busy, beautiful, meaningful, compelling life. 

I really want to try.

I want this to be a place where I talk about it - where I process my feelings, where I celebrate small victories and navigate big challenges, where I can be honest with myself and be open without worrying about holding up this image of myself that I show off to the world.

I don't know if it will work, but I want to try.